I started therapy when I was...9? Maybe? I don't remember. I saw her because I'd been starting to show obsessive worrying tendencies. I don't remember a whole lot about what we talked about, but I do remember her making me write things down. I had a journal, and I had to write my worries, one by one, and include what it is that I thought I could do to stop. This was not at all helpful.
I went several times, I think finally deciding that it just surely wasn't working. I was 9, I didn't know you had to WORK at therapy. I thought they just cured you.
The next therapist was in college. I honestly don't remember this one. At all. I was in a bad place then, trying new medicine and I don't know if maybe I blocked a lot of it out?
Let's fast forward to after college, first therapist seen with my own insurance through my own job. I blindly picked the first office that didn't send me to an automation telling me about suicide. Bad idea. I'll call this therapist (actually that one was a social worker) "Mary". Mary met me in a church, and asked me lots of religious questions.
Let me stop for a second and say something- I think that therapy coupled with religion can be very helpful for some. I wasn't in the right place for it emotionally. I felt nothing but resentment and it in turn made me angry at Mary. I couldn't make it about me, which is what therapy is supposed to be about.
I then went in search of someone else, and I came upon "Sarah". Sarah started out SO good. We focused a lot on my relationships and some CBT (which I do very much believe in). Until one fateful day. When I started crying in the chair and she mocked me. Put up her hands as if to imitate a small child crying and asked me if I felt like I was 5. I left.
It took me a couple years to get the courage up to see another one. And the one i'm with now is AMAZING. I wish it was kosher to hug a therapist because I want to hug him every time I see him.
Obviously I'll tell you more about Magical Healer Therapist later.
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